I have noticed throughout the past year that there are very few online forums for women suffering with discovering they are infertile - complete unable to conceive "normally".
I started all of this by first going in for an annual exam to obtain birth control in 2008. The nurse at the clinic informed me that my thyroid was abnormally large and that there could be a chance of thyroid cancer but I should consult with a gynocologist to confirm that diagnosis. I had just had my birthday a few months prior - I was 19. I visited the doctor who informed me that I did not have thyroid cancer but my thyroid only seemed large because of my petite figure. She did an additional pap smear to confirm the results from the first clinic and informed me that I had a cervical disease {the name has just evaded me} that could become cancerous and we should monitor it by doing bi-annual cervical exams with biopsies done at those visits.
A few months later I started having pelvic pains that would send jolts of pain through my rectum and vaginal areas. It would at times feel like someone was sending an electric shock through either location. Sex became painful in specific positions and my then fiance was concerned and suggested that I consult with the doctor again. Within about six months I was having a laparoscopy to determine the cause of the pains, only after sending me to every other specialist to make sure it was in fact a pelvic pain as my doctor seemed to believe it was a neurological issue. When I woke from the laparoscopy, the doctor informed me that she found a large amount of scar tissue from my rib cage to my ovaries and was wondering if I had ever had a physical injury or accident (which I had not). She then proceeded to tell me that she saw no reason to remove the scar tissue as she was sure it was not the root of the problem so I left the procedure with no more knowledge than before. After about a month, she prescribed me with Tylenol-3 (with Codine) to control my pains. At first the medication worked, I did not respond to it as someone like my mother does but I was fully functioning without having it affect my routines. That soon turned into the medication not helping in the least way with my pains and I gave up on that irrational option, suffering instead.
In 2011, I decided to visit an Infertility Specialist recommended by a coworker. My first visit I waited for him in the exam room, prepared for a cervical exam and instead he started talking to me about what the previous doctor had done for me. I explained the surgery results and showed him the pictures she had given me confirming his first instinct that this was a Pelvic Inflammatory Disease issue. He suggested a procedure called an HSG which is a lightly sedated procedure in which the doctor runs xray dye through a woman's vagina into her tubes to confirm the passages are clear of debris via digital xray images. It was in that 60 minute procedure that I discovered my left ovary was blocked at the base and I spent about half of that time elevated as the specialist hoped the dye would push through the debris and allow for fluids to travel normally. My once fiance had since become my husband and by this point he was far from understanding and rather than taking off of work, to take me to this doctors appointment that I was not allowed to drive to or from due to the light sedation, he asked his mother to take off and take me in his place. This led the the next year of problems with our marriage and we separated August 2011.
I moved back to my hometown and started to feel relief with the diminished stress from both of my jobs, college courses, and failing marriage. I rekindled a relationship with a long-time friend who became my husband in less than a year. During that time I discovered that my cervical disease was now gone and that I no longer needed to worry about that form of cancer. One a month before our wedding in June of 2012, I went in to my new OBGYN and had another laparoscopy done, this time with an HSG done while under sedation. When I woke from this surgery, I found out everything that I wish I could have found out at the first laparoscopy. Not only was my left tube blocked, buy now my right side was as well and per the doctor he would (and I quote) "be surprised if I ever get pregnant". This absolutely broke my heart. Up until this point I believed I had one working tube and could potentially get pregnant from the right side alone. But that wasn't the only news I discovered, I also turned out to have endometriosis which was drastically covering my cervix so they burned off all that the found as well as removing excess scar tissue that was not removed during the first procedure.
Within this past year I have had good days, and of course I have had bad days. The worst are baby showers for friends that are too excited about their bumps to understand the mental pain I am going through. Another issue tends to be the girls that are about my age that are all having kids and talking about anything to do with babies right near my desk. I wish that there was more understanding from the general public as to what makes this process more manageable and what makes it more difficult. I also would love to not have to explain to another soul that no, my husband and I do not have any children - because I can't get pregnant". I have also been to the doctors to discuss a hysterectomy however he seemed very unsatisfied with that option and actually refused to do the procedure because of how young I am and how many alternate options I have, and more importantly how many of those options I would give up due to that hysterectomy.
For anyone that has gone through this I know exactly how you feel and how you have good and horribly bad days. I understand the pain that comes with endometriosis - at one point I was in so much pain that could not be managed that I though suicide might be the best option. I hope to post more of my thoughts regarding this topic soon.
